I don’t remember celebrating Mother’s Day when I was younger. I’m sure that we did the whole Mother’s Day Tea at school with handprint cards and silly pictures because EVERYONE does that. I just do not remember. The first time I really remember celebrating was a few years after my mom’s breast cancer diagnosis.
We went to the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Pittsburgh with my aunts and cousins before meeting up with some family for a picnic afterwards. It was awesome. My mom and I had been going to the Cleveland Race for the Cure since her diagnosis, but this was the first time in Pittsburgh (her home) and the first time going with family.
I believe that this was also the weekend that we went looking for wedding venues all over the city. We looked at boutique inns that specialized in closeness and large facilities that cranked weddings out like a factory. We just couldn’t find the right thing, but any time spent with these women is amazing. They are hilarious and made the wedding hunt enjoyable even though it had the potential to turn me into a bridezilla.
The following year things were completely different.
I WAS A MOM.
This was the year I realized the importance of celebrating your mom. And thanking her. And how much she sacrifices for her children (no matter what age they are). This was also my WORST Mother’s Day ever.
My husband’s family was never big on celebrating “Hallmark Holidays,” or if they were…he wasn’t. I had never thought anything about it. We decided to stay home (in Cleveland at the time) instead of going to the Race in Pittsburgh that year. I was totally okay with it…until Mother’s Day actually came.
I exploded! I freaked out! I was a blubbering 2 months postpartum mess! I yelled and cried at my husband! (I believe I have apologized for this repeatedly over the years…if not I’M SORRY!) I wanted to be with my mom, but I couldn’t because she was in Pittsburgh almost 3 hours away. I had to settle for breakfast out at an overcrowded Denny’s.
My mom died less than a year later.
While I had spent a TON of time her over the past 2 years, I was so mad at myself for missing that last Mother’s Day. I’m not sure why. It had never been important. Mother’s Day had never really been a “thing,” but then again, I had never been a mother before.
It is unexplainable what changes when you become a mom.
Your entire chemical makeup changes because a part of your heart is living on the outside. It is especially jarring when you never thought you would be a mom. It wasn’t the plan, but it happened. You aren’t prepared to give up basic things like food and bathing regularly just so that your child can be happy, fed, or sleep. You aren’t looking forward to the snuggles and coos and pictures and stories. Then BAM there they are and you wouldn’t give them up for the world…most days 😉
Being a mom changes your perspective on everything whether you want it to or not. Even on the bad days when you want to hide under YOUR blankie and not come out for anything. You do because your kids need you and those kids are a part of you.
It’s hard, but it gets better.
My Mother’s Days have mostly gotten better. Three years ago hubs made me the most amazing video with pictures and videos of our three kids. He told me this year that it’s about time for a new one, so I know what I am getting next year 🙂 This year he is out of town covering a convention, but he has still spoiled me rotten. We went out to eat twice at fancier than usual restaurants, he bought me drama mask earrings and a yoga mat, and he helped the kids pick out a TON of chocolate with the most amazing card to give me this morning. There has been an endless stream of “Happy Mother’s Day” statements and cards from the kids for weeks along with Mother’s Day Tea celebrations and crafts.
Even with all of this there is still at least one ugly cry every year because I miss my momma. You don’t realize how much you need (and want) someone until they are gone. It is VERY hard to see everyone on Facebook and Twitter posting pictures of their mom and with their mom. Pictures of their mom with their kids making statements like “Best Grandma Ever!”
My mom had 14 months of being a grandma. She never met 3/4 of her grandkids. She was cheated out of that and I am always mad about it. I HATE that I am always mad about it, but that’s life.
This video is why I ugly cry.
When my mom died my AMAZING husband not only took over all parenting duties (when the baby wasn’t being fawned over by friends and family) but he but together this video per my dad’s request. This is my favorite video ever. It shows the good and the bad. The family and the friends. This video encompasses my mom down to her addiction to Tetris on the Gameboy.
I love that I have this video to remember my mom and share with my kids. She was a beautiful and kind soul and I can only hope to be half of the mother that she was.
I hope that my kids will understand how amazing my mom was.
I hope that they think that I am just as amazing.